Six Valuable Tips To Raise Godly Children in an Ungodly World
How are we supposed to raise godly children in such a dangerous, ungodly world? They need to learn math, literacy, history, science, and social and emotional intelligence. We have to protect their bodies from harm and their minds from pollution. And somehow, we’re supposed to prioritize their spiritual needs as well. How? While there’s no right answer, besides “seek first the Kingdom of Heaven”, there are some practical steps that have helped me try to raise godly children in this fallen world. I’ll share them with you, but they might not be what you’d expect.
Raise Godly Children By Learning From Them
You’ve heard the story. The disciples were standing around Jesus when one of them desperately wanted to know if he was anything close to a heavenly MVP. “Who, then, is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” he asked. (Matthew 18)
Jesus pulled a little child closer to Him. He may have held their small cheek in His heavenly hand while describing them as the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Why? Is it their child-like faith? Maybe it’s their unwavering dependence on their providers. Perhaps Jesus wants us to be as unbiased and naturally caring as young children. Either way, we have something to learn from them.
Not too long ago, I had a slight conflict with my neighbor. Within days of the incident, my five-year-old daughter asked if she could say “hi” to said neighbor. Now for some real quick context, you should know that this lady hasn’t been as friendly with my children in her passerby greetings as they’ve been with her. She’d also lied on them. So, in a moment of weak spiritual maturity, I asked my daughter “why?”. Why did she have to continue to be friendly with someone who was the opposite? My sweet baby turned to me and said, “Mom, it’s not godly to treat someone how they treat you.”
Now, while my children know I’m a firm advocate of standing up for yourself, I’ve also taught them the Golden Rule and kindness. I have a more extensive theology than my five-year-old. She hasn’t read nearly as much of the Bible as I have. But at that moment, she was more apt to apply 1 Corinthians 13 to our lives than I was. Her tiny voice reminded me I am not just the sensei, but a student in our relationship.
My suggestion is to take in those moments where your child believes all things are possible. Take note when they’re brutally honest. Reflect on those moments when they offer an opinion that is purely their own, free of societal limitations. Openness to my kids’ ideas and beliefs challenges me to remember that we are in a relationship. I am not simply their guardian who is rearing them towards adulthood. They aren’t just little beings that I have to provide for and take care of. There is reciprocation to be had. As I instruct them from the wisdom of my many experiences, they inspire me from the purity of theirs.
Raise Godly Children by Shifting Your Perspective
Ok, so we can learn from our kids. After all, they say the “darndest” things. But to shift your perspective from “I can’t do this“ to “I’m truly blessed to have them” remember that they are literally, well, a blessing. I’m sure there’s probably already times where you stare at them in pure gratitude. But I’m talking about a complete shift in how you view your job as a parent. It is much easier to receive them as the gift they are when you intentionally shift your focus to receive your responsibilities as a gift.
Even when they’re talking back, making messes and ignoring your instructions for the umpteenth time – they are a planned reward from the Lord. When it feels like you’re failing them or worried that your past hurt is becoming their present reality, keep in mind that God hand-picked you to be their parent.
We are complex beings. I know from experience two opposing things can be true simultaneously. As much as I adore my kids, I’ve also grieved where I could be in life had I waited to have them. My littles captured my heart, but I’m also often overwhelmed by the trials and challenges of raising them nearly by myself. It is with intention that I have to remember that God fully understands my situation and still chose me. They were a surprise to me, but a reward from God.
I remember something T. D. Jakes said in one of his sermons. The Holy Spirit grasped my attention and, through Bishop Jakes, said God is our co-parent. From happily married couples to overworked single parents, God is your co-parent. That hit me. God didn’t just throw us these little souls wrapped with the cutest flesh and leave us to fend for ourselves. As much as we want the best for them, God does even more so. We are all His, our children included.
When you feel you aren’t enough, make the conscious decision to trust God’s choice in blessing you. He hand-picked you to be His partner in raising your children. Not just because of your strengths and gifts, but also despite your flaws and inconsistencies. Approaching parenting with this mindset has helped me filter through all the parenting “advice” and shaming of our society. Raising godly children in an ungodly world is not just a challenge, but a huge portion of your inheritance.
Remember That They Belong to God
So if your children are a portion of your inheritance, you need to control their every move, right? I’m sure you know that’s not possible. However, understanding that truth and using it as the foundation of your parenting decisions are two totally different things.
I remember when this shift in thinking started happening to me. Full disclosure, I’m no parenting expert. My oldest is only 8, so I’m still on this parenting journey and learning every day. However, like you, each day has brought a new lesson that I can share, even if I haven’t yet perfected my parenting skills. And when I realized that my personal ideas don’t determine God’s perfect plan for my children, my approach to parenting changed.
The first change was the ability to take a deep sigh. God planned their destinies, and while my parenting decisions will certainly play a big role in their development, it isn’t all up to me. It is infinitely more beneficial to pray for wisdom in helping them walk in their destinies than to force your ideas on them. I’ve been challenging myself to add some version of the prayer below to my repertoire:
Lord,
You know everything. You are Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. Your Word says that if I want wisdom, I can ask You for it and You’ll give it to me, despite my faults. Right now, Father, I’m seeking Your wisdom. Teach me how to help my children to walk in their purposes right now. Help me pass down Your wisdom to them. Open my eyes to see, my ears to hear and my heart to receive Your truth every day as I raise our children. In Jesus’ Name, amen.
We don’t have to be anxious about the struggles of raising godly children in an ungodly world. Like Philippians 4:6-7 says, be thankful and say a prayer. We’ve already committed to being intentional in seeing our children as a reward from the all-knowing God (right?). My next suggestion is just to keep praying. Expect God to answer. There’s been times I’ve prayed and within a few days just felt I knew what to do. When not careful, it can seem to be a sudden, random epiphany instead of the answered prayer that it is. So pray, listen, and pay attention. Remember, it’s God’s will for your child to be loved, cared for, and powerful. You don’t have to beg Him to fulfill His own will. You just have to be the partner in your child’s journey that He called you to be.
Be a Godly Example
Yes, we are God’s partners in raising our children. No, we don’t have to be perfect or live in fear that our flaws will damage our babies. But I believe we are to be intentional about being a godly example. As with everything else, God can cover our insufficiency, but I subscribe to the belief that we are to lead by example.
A huge part of guiding our children down the correct path is to take the straight and narrow ourselves. If your babies are literal babies, you may not yet realize just how much of a mirror they can be. My children shine the brightest lights on the areas of my life that still need a LOT more Jesus. There are certain habits of theirs for which I have nobody else to blame. Kids don’t just hear what you say, they consistently witness who you are. One of the hardest things about parenting is that once the kids are here, they are here. You don’t get time to become a millionaire (or at least a thousandaire) before they rack up expenses. And you can’t pause their development to accelerate your own. Working out your own godliness is a huge part of raising godly children.
The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them. (Proverbs 20:7 NIV)
If you want your children to be blessed after you, you must first walk into that blessing. I love something Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts says. Concerning breaking generational curses, she says something like cast the demons out now, so your children don’t have to. Allow God to use you to break the cycle of poverty now, so your children don’t have to. Put an end to promiscuity or drug addiction or gang affiliation or toxic parenting now so that your children don’t have to. Some of us will walk out our purposes and others will run in the opposite direction. As gracious as God is, He gave us free will. Still, one way to make it easier for your children to follow the straight and narrow is to allow your life to lead the way.
Raise Godly Children by Giving Them God’s Word
Being a godly example is so important, but so is giving them something to hold onto when you aren’t around. We are in the last days. Ok, so I fully understand that we don’t really know if these “last days” are the real last days. But is the world not crazy? Is the enemy not actively working out his primary mission to kill, to steal, and to destroy? Are children’s books, TV shows and movies not trying to infiltrate our children with ungodly ideas?
Whether or not these are the last days before Jesus comes, it is a crazy time. I may just sound like my mother, but current days seem worse than “my day”. The devil is not backing down from his message, but as I try to find Christian content for my children to consume, I often think that the body of Christ is watering down ours. My children watch a lot of what we call “Bible cartoons” and many of them sacrifice the power and boldness of the Word so it is more bite-sized and entertaining. And while I understand that sometimes such sacrifices may be necessary for their attention spans, I also know that their spirit and soul need God’s truth just as much as mine does.
Everyone’s life is different. I’m not asking you to put yet another thing on your plate. I’m simply offering some suggestions. My children and I have Bible study and simple dialogue about a chosen scripture. They listen to audio books of the Bible before going to bed. We are currently memorizing Psalm 91 and repeat it together most days. As consequences for certain behavior, they are required to write verses to reflect on Biblical wisdom. Your parenting won’t look just like mine, and it shouldn’t. However, I will be adding more children’s Bible studies to my website for those who would like to do them. If you want your kids to get in the Word more but don’t know where to start. Pray! Again, when we pray for God’s will, we can trust Him to answer. The Bible says train up a child in the way he/she should go.
We often discuss the above scripture in terms of discipline. But I like the way the Amplified version puts it. We are training our children to one day live without us, to understand that they can only depend on us for a short time and for limited things. Then they must seek God’s wisdom and will. Further study taught me that in the original language, the word translated as “train up” can also mean “dedicate”.
It can be life-changing to see our children as God’s and His gift to us. Even more powerful, is to dedicate your children back to Him. Training them to think as the overcomer they are and dedicating them back to the Lord, prepares them to walk without you. We aren’t just raising kids; we are training future adults. They will ultimately make their own decisions, but the Bible gives us hope that if we do our part and invite God to do His part, our children will be more likely to do theirs.
Discipline Them
There are many parenting styles and even more types of children. I’m not here to comment on the “best” style of parenting. The only thing I know for sure is that everyone needs some type of discipline. I always have to remind my kids that even adults have rules. I can’t go steal an expensive purse, or speed through a school zone, or miss work without a good excuse for several weeks in a row. Well, of course I can, but not without consequences. I’ve taught them they have the physical ability to do what they want to do, but not without consequences. As much as utilizing wisdom has its own built-in benefits, succumbing to foolishness carries its own inevitable consequences. However, kids won’t understand that until it is too late, unless they listen to the wisdom and instruction of their caretakers.
My next suggestion is to remember that it is a solid truth that children are inclined to foolishness.
Apostle Ron Carpenter, a favorite of mine, says something like: when you understand the nature of a thing, its behavior won’t surprise you. Dogs bark when they hear certain noises. It wouldn’t shock me to hear a dog bark when someone knocks at the door. I’ve always had dogs. I know their nature. But if my dog said “moo”, that’d be a different story.
The nature of children is to be inclined to foolishness. So although I don’t always know how my single-digit aged children may act, I’m rarely stunned by their shenanigans. Their hate for sharing, random outbursts, false ideas, sibling rivalry and other childish behavior doesn’t shock me. I’ve come to expect it. Earlier, I said we can learn a lot from our children and I still stand behind that. But we can also expect foolishness. That is why they need discipline.
Just like we as adults have to be disciplined, it is important to teach them discipline as well. Not just so they know what to do at a young age, but so they develop the self-control and work ethic needed to make them successful adults. It is a challenge to raise godly children in an ungodly world. But don’t worry, you’re equipped for it. God hand-picked you to inherit, train, discipline, learn from, and teach your children. The road to the Kingdom of Heaven may be narrow, but it still offers some variety. There’s more than one right answer. I hope that my two cents will help or encourage you as you raise up the next generation of the body of Christ.
